OCD and the COVID-19 Pandemic

I read that some people are being triggered relentlessly during these times, and I can’t imagine what that must be like.

I think I’m in the “other group”. The ones that are just sailing on as usual. Ironically, I haven’t had any major changes in my behavior. Just taking the usual precautions as everyone else is. Washing my hands, disinfecting, and staying indoors as often as possible. Although, I’ve always had a tendency to stay indoors most of the time. So this paranoid way of life is nothing new to me.

And that’s the funny thing about it all. It’s like looking out on everyone and seeing them acting at your worst moments of OCD. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I would take the entire burden of it if I had to, because that was once my life and I’m used to it. I hope all of this passes soon, because I prefer a life without a pandemic.

The Adventures of Sleep Paralysis: Part 2

I had a dream you and I were sitting at the table. The angle didn’t make sense from where we usually sat, I realized there was no floor and we were floating.

You were telling me how you gave a compliment to someone and they reacted negatively. Almost hostile. I wasn’t understanding exactly what happened so you turned your head to me and explained. Your eyes changed, but then I realized we were only lit by a candle and the rest of the room was pitch black. I couldn’t see the candle.

I heard a tapping noise. We both just stared at each other. I thought it would be funny to ask what that noise was, all spooky-like as a prank to make you laugh. I leaned back to listen and then, well, I guess I became possessed by a demon, or attacked by one, or both. It all sounds cliche now that I write it out. I pitched backwards violently and you became a blur, my body was twisted like something grabbed my neck and turned me sideways. I was holding on to the chair so I wouldn’t fall into the void, or being forced to hold on, it was hard to tell. You giggled, you ironically thought this was the prank. I was pitched forward fast, my head slammed on the table and was pinned down by a force, I could feel claws in my head but they didn’t hurt, just a lot of pressure. I couldn’t move. I could see you sideways then see you lean down towards the table, blurry, I couldn’t see well at this point.

And this image of you slowly materialized to you in the bed as I started to wake up. Was I hallucinating you? I thought my eyes should be closed. They are open this time, and I can’t move again. I tried to say something at this point, for the first time I tried saying “help!” but the paralysis held me silent. I think trying to say something made it worse for a bit, and I got scared. I thought my dream followed me for real this time. I tried to move my arm and it wouldn’t move. An eternity of maybe 5 seconds passed and I was out, escaping into reality. It’s amazing how many thoughts you can have when time doesn’t seem to follow the rules. I heard the tapping of who knows what, normal building noises probably. I laid there trying not to freak out, still straddling between worlds but slowly crossing over. Trying not to look around too much.

I think it was bound to happen at some point. My sleep paralysis demon has found me…and it’s kind of an asshole.