15 years ago

Before I was diagnosed with OCD, I didn’t know what to make of my thoughts. I wasn’t able to see a therapist and even if I did, I wouldn’t have known what to tell them. I wasn’t feeling depressed but I wasn’t feeling okay either.

My thoughts were everywhere, scattered and focused at the same time. I didn’t feel like I found my identity because my mind was telling me all kinds of horrible things. I thought my mind was turning against me, and that’s how life was going to be from now on. So I started a journal.

I looked through it recently, and found that I was transcribing my intrusive thoughts. It’s like a different person wrote most of the entries.

Just scrawled with no context. Seems ironic.

I think if I would have had a name for it all, it would have been a lot easier. Labeling what mystery thing was in my brain made a huge difference when I was diagnosed. It formed a path for me.

I consider myself lucky that I caught it when I did. I hope that people suffering from some unknown find the strength to keep going and seek help.